motivation & concentration

i have a hard time concentrating on things in school. it’s fairly annoying, because i find myself watching the professor, reading the slides, listening, but 10 seconds later i retain nothing, and it feels like i wasn’t listening at all. i’m not sure if it’s something related to me being exhausted all the time or if it’s because i’m having a hard time figuring out why certain lectures and classes are important.

yet, when i go to study in a mini cubicle, i’m usually okay to study by myself. as long as my phone is not in hand and is upside down, i can crank out some lectures in a good 2-3 hour period and not have a hard time. i also try to make sure i have snacks on hand so i’m not hungry-distracted.

something i think that helps me focus when i’m by myself is listening to music so loud i can’t even hear my pen on paper; it’s something i wish i could do in school. i also think that it would help me focus more on exams. i find that during tests, i’ll become hyper-aware of what i’m doing, the noise i’m making, how i’m moving, if i’m breathing too loudly, and it cycles. i feel paranoid that i’m the person during an exam whose coughing distracts everybody else, or my stomach is growling too loud.

it’s frustrating because these thoughts take me away from the exam or the lecture, and they make it so hard to concentrate.

i’ve wondered if this is related to being motivated on tests or during class. in class, i have the safety net of recorded lectures in case i miss anything, and i usually note on the slides what time i missed material so i can go back to watch it later. the issue is that then i feel less bad about material just going over my head, and another cycle starts.

the reason this is my topic today is that i had an exam yesterday where i had these cyclical overwhelming thoughts that made it so hard to hear my own thoughts on the material. today in a class, the professor spoke really quickly, and i couldn’t filter out my brain when listening to him. instead of hyper-focusing on his lecture, i started to get angry and frustrated that i was missing all of these key points he had during the lecture, to the point i started clenching my jaw, tightened my back, made fists and opened my hands back and forth, and glaring at my professor to try and silently hint that he needed to slow down because i couldn’t keep up.

i’m wondering if other people have this problem, and what could be the underlying cause and a good solution. help

on a side note, this is some of the music that i blast in my ears when i’m studying:

Dirt by YAMANTAKA//Sonic Titan
Favorite songs: Dark Waters, The Decay

dirt yamantaka sonic titan

Legion (Original Television Series Soundtrack) by Jeff Russo
Favorite songs: 174 hours, The Caper 2, Harpsichord with Undercurrent


Attack on Titan (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) by Shiro Sagisu
Favorite songs: Masterplan, Metalopera, Rise Up, Rhythmetal, The Original Sin, Temper the Wind

AOT soundtrack